Just one thing

It's just after 6:00 and I've been awake for a little over an hour. To be clear, I'm not a morning person. Never have been. I've struggled my whole life to get out of bed early enough to make it to work on time - hitting the snooze button repeatedly, and lying semi-comatose in bed until husband delivers coffee. Fortunately, that seems to be changing as I age. Maybe because I generally go to sleep earlier than I used to. But mostly I think because I've come to appreciate how clear and peaceful my thoughts are at this time of day - comparatively speaking anyway - so I'm less inclined to go back to sleep when I awaken early. When I'm home in the country, there's the additional pleasure of being enthusiastically greeted by the critters. I've long suspected my aversion to mornings had more to do with how I felt about work than mornings themselves since I've always been more inclined to get up early on weekends and holidays. I'm hoping that m...

I've been waffling about when to retire from my current job for a long time now. I kept hoping things would improve to the point I could stick it out for another year, then leave feeling I'd accomplished something worthwhile. Sadly, that's not the way things are shaping up. There have been a few positive developments in recent months and plenty of promises, but not nearly enough real action, and I've little reason to think that will change anytime soon. It might be worth sticking around for another year if I wasn't sacrificing quality time with Husband and the critters, but I am and that makes all the difference. No amount of money can buy back the time I'm losing with them.  Today, I started the leaving process by telling a trusted colleague and friend that, barring some drastic change in the next few weeks, I'll be calling it quits by year-end. I'm sure it's the right call because just saying the words out loud made me feel lighter. Now, I ...

I came across an old notebook when I was cleaning out a closet last weekend. In it, I had done exercises recommended by the life coach I was seeing at the time. The purpose of the exercises was to encourage me to contemplate what would give my life more meaning and joy. It was unsettling to reread what I'd written because many of the issues I identified back then - more than 10 years ago - haven't changed all that much. I'm still frustrated by how little time I spend in creative pursuits, worried that I'm too selfish, and dissatisfied with my day job, On the upside, I'm much happier in my marriage, more financially secure, and (I hope) a good deal calmer and more resilient than I was.  Still, it worries me that I've made so little progress dealing with some pretty significant issues. Does that mean I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life frustrated and unhappy? For the past few years I've told myself things will improve when I retire and have m...