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Plus ca change...

I came across an old notebook when I was cleaning out a closet last weekend. In it, I had done exercises recommended by the life coach I was seeing at the time. The purpose of the exercises was to encourage me to contemplate what would give my life more meaning and joy.

It was unsettling to reread what I'd written because many of the issues I identified back then - more than 10 years ago - haven't changed all that much. I'm still frustrated by how little time I spend in creative pursuits, worried that I'm too selfish, and dissatisfied with my day job, On the upside, I'm much happier in my marriage, more financially secure, and (I hope) a good deal calmer and more resilient than I was. 

Still, it worries me that I've made so little progress dealing with some pretty significant issues. Does that mean I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life frustrated and unhappy?

For the past few years I've told myself things will improve when I retire and have more time. But will they really? In all likelihood, my life will be filled with just as many distractions, including the assorted challenges that come with aging. 

The good news I guess is that, for the next few months at least, I'll be living on my own in the city three or four nights a week, which should mean I'll have more time for the things I claim I want to do  - like running, writing, and spending time with friends. And, if I don't use that time to actually do those things, maybe that should tell me something. 


  1. I'm gonna be a brute here. And blunt. Don't think you're special to get this advice because it applies to many women, much more so than to men. Here goes. You need to be a selfish bitch about scheduling the time for the things you want to do. It's all too easy to be distracted by the world. You need to say no, I'm going to do this creative thing after dinner on weeknights. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it feeds your soul. Even us retired people run out of time. I'm amazed every day how quickly the time passes.


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