Skip to main content

Long Nights

The nights have felt long lately. The trouble is I can't seem to sleep through them. And, when I wake up at 3:00 or 4:00 in the morning, it's like a complete stranger is inhabiting my body - thinking and feeling things that make no sense in the cold light of day.

I wouldn't care, except the stranger prevents me from getting back to sleep for hours, no matter how firmly I tell her to shut up. And sometimes she reappears in dreams when I do finally nod off.

It's frustrating because long nights make for long days, when it's a struggle to stay focused and upbeat at work - which is especially important now that I'm counting down the days until retirement. Being sleep-deprived also makes it more challenging to eat properly and get enough exercise.

One night this week, I managed to sleep through but woke up before six, which I preferred since at least I could get up and make good use of the time rather than tossing and turning for hours.

I know people who read or write when they can't sleep, but the stranger doesn't seem interested in doing those things, which is too bad. If she did, at least my sleeplessness would feel more productive.

Comments

  1. Keith25 October 2018 at 08:27

    I suspect that stranger is future you, waiting to break out of your shell.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friendly inspiration

I couldn't sleep so got up earlier than usual, intending to write for awhile before heading to the office. Instead, I spent 45 minutes reading blogs written by several friends, each of whom is doggedly pursuing their dreams. I'm so glad I did. It's inspiring to be reminded that there are smart, talented people whose lives aren't focused on job titles, how much they make, or what they consume. I especially need that reminder as I grind my way through these last few week of full-time employment. Though my decision to retire was carefully thought-out, a small voice continues to insist I got it wrong - that I'm going to regret giving up the generous paycheck and professional identity that goes with it. The truth is I probably will miss those things. But the payoff is a lot more free time and, at this stage of my life, it's time I value most. Time to walk amongst the trees and breathe deeply. Time to be kinder to myself and others. Time to think about what matter...
3 comments
Read more

Retirement planning #2

I gave formal notice of my retirement a week or so ago. It feels good. Mostly. Other than when I'm overcome by doubt and anxiety, that is. I realized this week that I'm not worried about having too little to do. In fact, it's the opposite. I've been adding to my list of "things to do when I retire" for so long now it's become overwhelming. Even if I were to jump out of bed every morning at dawn and work 10 to 12 hours a day, it would take decades to get through the whole list. The answer, I think, is simply to set priorities, create a plan, and be gentle with myself when life intervenes, as it almost certainly will. From past experience, I know that the plan will need to include a little of this and a little of that, with plenty of white space for procrastinating and daydreaming, if I'm ever going to stick to it. So, for the first few months, I'll try to ensure every day includes at least 30-60 minutes of exercise, quality time with family ...
1 comment
Read more

The end of the road

I've been waffling about when to retire from my current job for a long time now. I kept hoping things would improve to the point I could stick it out for another year, then leave feeling I'd accomplished something worthwhile. Sadly, that's not the way things are shaping up. There have been a few positive developments in recent months and plenty of promises, but not nearly enough real action, and I've little reason to think that will change anytime soon. It might be worth sticking around for another year if I wasn't sacrificing quality time with Husband and the critters, but I am and that makes all the difference. No amount of money can buy back the time I'm losing with them.  Today, I started the leaving process by telling a trusted colleague and friend that, barring some drastic change in the next few weeks, I'll be calling it quits by year-end. I'm sure it's the right call because just saying the words out loud made me feel lighter. Now, I ...
2 comments
Read more